New Year, New You?
Here’s what to do if your resolutions have “failed” and it doesn’t feel like your year.
Why “New Year, New Me” Isn’t Working Out
Resolutions Are Unrealistic
The first blog post on this channel was about failing your new years resolutions (intentionally) and how to set yourself up for success throughout the year in a wholistic way. Resolutions, although very flashy, can set us up for unrealistic standards that require more from us than we can keep up with as life gets into full swing. It is not reasonable to expect something from yourself every day that you have never done or do not enjoy doing. Resolutions also fuel the idea that, “If I only had or did ______ then I would be the best version of myself ever and if I miss a day I am failing.” Pass/Fail goals put so much pressure on ourselves that we might unintentionally fuel negative core beliefs.
Fresh Start Fallacy
Another problem with resolutions are that they create this reset idea. This generates two problems. The first is that it enforces the idea that you are not enough as you are right now. To get where you want to be, you have to be who you are right now and find the strengths in yourself that will make your goals possible in the first place. The other problem with reset mentality is that it can leave you always chasing the next reset, whether that is a new year, a new job, or any time that you envision things magically changing. This can lead to losing time in the moment and feeling less present in your life. I generally think of the movie Click with Adam Sandler when I think of this idea. For those of your who don’t know it, the main character gets this magic remote that can fast forward time through things that are unpleasant. The character ends up fast forwarding through so much time that they lose all of the things that they care about most even though they technically crossed the finish line that was supposed to make them happy..
New Year, Whole You
Use this post as an opportunity to set down the idea that the year is sunk or that you’ve “failed” your resolution and therefore “failed” your year. Here are some ideas to make the year one where you feel whole and present.
Reflect on Growth
Transitions are great opportunities to reflect on what has been while also thinking towards what could be. Think on some of the things that you made possible this year that perhaps you had been aspiring to in years prior. How have you changed for the better this year? What things have you learned that will serve you later in life? Are you more patient? More compassionate? More giving? Thinking about these areas of growth will help you identify strengths that will motivate you as you create goals.
Create Detailed Goals in Alignment with Your Values
We have done a blog previously about setting SMART Goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Specific). Using the SMART model is a great way to help you set and then achieve your goals as they are less ambiguous, align with your values, and give you a target to work towards. Making sure you consider your values is crucial when setting out to accomplish something not only because it makes the task feel worth doing, but also because it gives you your why when things get hard. Being able to identify with the task, the work required to do it, and the outcome will help you to see the task as an inevitable product of your character in motion.
Track Your Wins
When you do hit your goal allow yourself to celebrate and revel in the win! In addition to this celebration, find a way to make it last and fuel you in the future by tracking it. Get creative by finding some way to make your accomplishments easily reviewable whether that is a list, a memory shelf, a collection of photos, etc. You have made some remarkable things possible in your life, but you might still feel doubt in yourself or hold self-limiting beliefs. Use these wins as evidence to build your confidence in moving towards whatever you set out to do.
Start Again
Consider this famous quote by George Eliot; “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
It is never too late. You are not defeated so long as you continue to rise. Maybe your year got off to a rocky start and maybe your resolutions didn’t work out. Although this might be a truth, remember that it is not the entire truth. It is also true that you set out to do something ambitious and that you are a person who hopes and dreams . Do not create a larger tale and make this perceived setback a reflection of you or your character. Let the reflection be what you decide to do next as you start again to move towards your goals, to honor who you are in the present, and admire the things you have done with your life so far.
New Year, New Day, New Moment, New Now
This is your year, this is your day, this is your moment, this is your now. Follow your passions, lean into growth, and believe in what you can create when you are Companioning Your Journey! Feel free to share some of your wins from 2023 as well as your goals for 2024. I’d be happy to cheer you on!
