Book of the Month: Hardwiring Happiness - Rick Hanson
For Companioning Your Journey’s sixth Book of the Month, Rick Hanson’s, “Hardwiring Happiness”.
About the Author and Publication
Rick Hanson is a psychologist, author, public speaker, and a Senior Fellow at UC Berkley. Rick noticed while they were growing up a skill that allowed them to find happiness in their experiences and led them to work on supporting others in building skills to support their well-being and growth. Rick still practices as a psychologist and takes time to speak at universities and independent schools while also serving on the board of FamilyWorks. Rick’s 4th book, published in 2013 would go on to become a New York Times bestseller by sharing a simple secret to tap into the power of your everyday experiences and how to use them to change your brain and your life.
Key Take Aways
Overall Premise
This book focuses on the our ability to take a few seconds to let life flow into and through you in your daily life. It speaks to the practice of turning everyday experiences into lasting, impactful moments that help you rebuild your mind to absorb positive emotions instead of allowing it to default to the bad. The book speaks to overlooked pleasures in life such as the first sip of coffee in the morning, finishing a tricky task, having someone smile at you, or hearing that you are loved. These experiences far outnumber the negative, but we are wired to be wary of the bad and it just might be getting in the way of us taking in the good. The longer we can take in the good and really absorb the feeling, the stronger the impact will be on our well-being..
Why Negativity Bias Makes Sense
We are wired to survive. Our first instinct and objective is to get our basic needs met, whether that is the cry of the infant, the mischievous cookie hunt of a toddler, or the split second reaction that averts a collision. Before modern society, we were largely hunters and gatherers who survived depending on how well they got these needs met and how well they were able to fight or flee when danger presented itself. Because of this, our brains have developed to remain vigilant and have become a velcro for negative experiences. The more we remembered and learned from, “Sabertooth Bad” the better our chances for survival. Today however, it makes us feel lonely, hurt, and inadequate in our lives. Always looking for and holding onto the bad without realizing that we are even doing it. It is ok that it happens, and acknowledging it gives you the power to form new processes that replace it.
Steps to HEAL
Have
The first step of the HEAL model is to have positive experience. Sometimes this experience needs to be sought out or created. It is wonderful when things that are exceptionally good happening, but even in a moment where there is nothing apparent, good things surround you. How about a comfortable place to sit or a favorite flavor of ice cream? Could you think back to a memory of a child laughing or the first time you had a crush? Do the leaves on the tree look full and inviting? Find something to experience and then experience it deeply.
Enrich
Now that you have found your experience, enrich it. Really take in what you are seeing, the texture of what you are feeling, or the thought that has come to mind. Call it out and pair it with a feeling. “I love the way that _______ is.” Let it last and stick with the feeling while you open yourself to it.
Absorb
Allow the feeling to sit within you and really sink in so that you can carry it with you. Hold onto the memory of the good feeling, the way that it came to be, and that there are beautiful things in the world. Remember that you yourself are one of those beautiful things.
Link (Optional)
How can you use this absorbed good feeling to dispel negative feelings in the moment or in the future? If you are intimidated or feel unwelcome somewhere, pay attention to the next time you feel very welcomed. Try and allow this feeling to be your core next time you are faced with being unwelcome. Think and experience what it feels like to be safe and held. Use your positive experiences as a means to disarm the negative experiences that are trying to take up your space. If you would rather hold the good, hold it tightly and let it grow.
What Made this the Book of the Month
One of the things that made this read the Book of the Month is the simplicity of the practice and the immediate impacts it can have when you practice it. There is an infinite amount of good in this world. We so often overlook and hone in on the bad or what is not the way we would like it to be, so much so that we miss out on all the things that are amazing around us. This read encourages us to take that extra moment to let a positive feeling sit in, to intentionally look at the sky, and to look at what is before us instead of what is ahead or behind. Using this simple trick has already begun to show a benefit in my life. I have so much good around me: family, friends, clients, sites, sounds, experiences, memories, etc. I want to feel and hold these things the way they deserve to be held. I want to Hardwire Happiness.
Call-To-Action
Put the HEAL model into practice, right now, wherever you are. Look around and identify something beautiful, close your eyes and feel something pleasant to the touch, take a moment to find something beautiful and experience it deeply. I wish you the best and hope that your deep-felt moments are plentiful.
What has been one of your most impactful reads? Are there any that you feel like more people should get their hands on? Let me know and I would be happy to read and review in a future post!